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About home, festivals, family and homesickness

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Every now and then, with every happy tear or sad tear that I shed. May it be from work stress or a tooth ache or a simple cold that I catch? I cannot refrain myself from being a total baby and wish that I were in Pindi. In my home, in my bed. Even if there’s no one to tend to me.

 

Because Mcdonalds Is Life. (Picture From The Salon When I Went For My Barat Makeup :D)

 

It’s been almost 3 years since I got married and relocated from my home city to Lahore. But I never really made peace with the fact that I won’t be able to visit my family or friends the way I used to or whenever I want to. Then sonay pay suhaga our work took me even far from there; to UAE

 

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My home in Pindi. Miss this to bits.

In early days of shadi I often used to tell Ubaid that I literally LONG to go back to Pindi. I miss its roads, It’s weather, the air, the peace everything that a small city has to offer to its residents. And when I used to use terms like home sick, my friends in Lahore used to say: dude! Kids feel homesick. Are you a kid? You’re a grown up lady with a home of your own and try to think it this way. I used to wonder that why is this term just associated with kids? Can’t adults experience home sickness? It doesn’t matter that they’re SUPPOSED to live away from their parents’ house because of one reason or the other. It doesn’t mean they shouldn’t miss the place where they’ve come from, or let’s not just associate it with parents home, it can be associated with other things too, like roads, known streets, known faces etc.

monal    I dont own this image, I just googled it

 

And as for the married girls why they’re always told that this is your home now. The other day one of my friends posted this veryyyyy appropriate post regarding girls and their homes

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Even though the Internet helps alotttttt in minimizing and healing but At times it aggravates the situation too. Like a few days ago my mum sent me a video of my friend (who is the reason behind this post cuz I might be missing her wedding in Pakistan and it’s killing me and I’m trying to be an adult about it but izz ok) yeah so as I was saying that she sent me a video of the wedding preps and how everyone is singing songs of merry and love. There was something in that video that ripped heart. It was that couch in our lounge where I’ve spent countless afternoons just lazing around doing absolutely nothing and talking shit with that friend of mine, my room where I’ve spent countless nights with her and those laughing fits where we couldn’t even breath. It made me realize that more often it’s the sentimental value to a place, a couch, a known surrounding, the sense of belonging that arouses this feeling of homesickness. And it’s absolutely OK to feel this way. If you suppress it and put a good show, you might actually overcome it or it might take a worst shape like depression.

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Almost anything can trigger homesickness, says Schuster – a smell, a color, even a taste. Like I ll tell you what happened with me at this Eid ul Fitr, a very nice client of ours is from the same village that I belong from, so in our village and most people from that area have this special sweet dish that they make on eids or special occasions (even a chaleeswan :D) LOLLL. So as long as I could remember, there was absolutely no ‘Eid without that halwa and its warm filling fragrance all across our home. From last 6 eids, I haven’t smelled that smell and on last chand raat when she sent that literally right off the stove extremely tasty and extremely hot halwa it literally made me cry. IM not even kidding. I just opened the box, and there was that smell which just made me have a breakdown. I spent like good 15 min in the toilet hiding and crying. So if you ever think that homesickness can’t hit you just because you’re an adult, It’s not true. It can hit you even if you’re living just a few blocks away from the home that you belong. It’s all about how we cope with the change. Moving to new places involves having fewer “anchor points” in your life, “some people tolerate this ambiguity [in their lives] better than others.”

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After six months or so of living in UAE, I started to get depressed. I was angry at my family for not visiting often enough. I was judgmental of the people I met here—they were nothing like my friends back home. After a while of feeling like this, it hit me: I didn’t hate UAE. I just missed my old life.

 

Learning to identify my homesickness made all the difference, because instead of taking out my feelings on everyone around me, (read: the entire city of UAE), I learned to deal with what was really bothering me. Clinical psychologist and professor Josh Klapow says homesickness is about our “instinctive need for love, protection and security—feelings and qualities usually associated with home.”

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So when we’re not feeling this in our new environment, we might start to miss home. It makes sense. When I moved here, I knew people, but they were all new to me. It’s hard to feel protected, loved, and secure with people you don’t know very well. Even if you live for years new places and experiences, the lack of familiarity can be surprisingly jarring.

This post has become ridiculously long and must be boring for a lot of you since I don’t have a very captivating type of writing style, so I think it needs a part 2 if you want to read about how to overcome this and how I helped myself snap out of it.

Love you too

Bye

 

Tags : islamabadpakistan

8 Comments

  1. I’ve been married almost 7 years, moved from Lahore to Karachi. There isn’t a day that goes by without me cursing this city.

    I miss my home, my friends and everything else. I miss the familiarity of the place, the warmth of the people and every tiny little thing about it.

    So, yes! I know what it’s like to feel homesick.

    This post made me cry.

    1. This is absolutely true marium. Same feelings i have been through when i got married ten years back. Moved to pindi. Uptill now these feelings are still there. Yes we are queens at our husbands hone but parents hone is such a blessing one cant get anywhere in the world. Allah sab ke parebts ko or un ke gharon ko salamat rakhay amee.n

      1. Ameen sum Ameen. Yes I’ve heard girls telling me that this feeling never really goes away of missing your parents home and your old life.

    2. The moving from one home to another is sooo difficult and then life puts you from one city/country from the other. The familiarity and warmth, tell me about it. The first time when I went from Lhr to pindi after shadi was 6 months. And I cried all the way from chakri to my home. And that’s like good one hour drive. It was too much for me to take. Everything was so nostalgic and even the trees were huggable. Lol

  2. Ah Maryam!! My parents are here with me right this moment! But this post still made me cry!! Hours ago they were skyping home telling the rest of the family that they will be there and I was sitting looking at all those faces and that house , MY HOUSE! MY LOUNGE! The very place where we all just used to hang out and talk non sense … And all I was thinking is why am I not there .. Whyyyyy .. I could give up anything to go back to that life and live that life for one more day. And the worst is.. When I visit home now it’s not the same.. I don’t know the place where they moved the cups to, where have they moved the ketchup bottle .. That feeling …. Your home is not your home anymore… I broke Yaar. I feel like I have no home … All I long is to feel that way again…
    And you talking about being ill and missing home uffff….. Sometimes I don’t even want to get out of bed cause I just want my mom to come and get me out .:. Bus chor Yaar…. Parents leaving in few hours and I am just devastated

    1. Omg Nadia. That bit where you mentioned how the things are not the Same back home and even you long to go back but when you go back it just doesn’t really feel like home. It’s the worst feeling. Feels like you belong nowhere. And it happens to me so much that I breakdown whenever I see pictures or videos or Skype from my home. And the other I was down with a tooth ache and I cried the whole day for Ami. I ate Ubaids ears everytime when he asked “kuch chahye?” And my answer everytime was Ami chahyen ?.

  3. Lived all my life in islamabad. My green nest i used to call it. Though me, my family and my husband we all reside in Germany now but home is islamabad. My mehka is islamabad. My parents are 10 minutes far from my place but i long to go to my real mehka….home in i-8. If homesickness is for kids then am still not a grownup.

  4. Beautiful post Maryam…..Yes this feeling never goes away even if you live thousand years at any other even better place nothing can replace the sensitivity attached to the people and place where you lived before…no KFCs can replace anday waly burger during shopping from the streets of your childhood city.

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